Kid Rock Was Visited By Apache Helicopters, Defense Sec. Hegseth Can't Be Assed

It may be April Fool's Day for those who observe, but it seems like the real fools are the ones running the show. In a moment that seems ripped out of the journal of a grade-school boy who's spent a bit too much time on Call of Duty, Kid Rock was visited at his Nashville "Southern White House" mansion by Apache helicopters, which hovered over the pool and even stuck around for a video op and complementary dig at California governor Gavin Newsom.

In a report by Military Times, the helicopters were revealed to be part of the 101st Combat Aviation Brigade of Fort Campbell, the superiors of whom initially suspended the airmen. In a statement, U.S. Army spokesman Maj. Montrell Russell asserted:

“The Army takes any allegations of unauthorized or unsafe flight operations very seriously and is committed to enforcing standards and holding personnel accountable.”

Cuz you know, it's not exactly normal to see Apache helicopters in civilian life, at least it shouldn't be. Apparently Kid Rock, known by his beloved gub'mint as Richard James Ritchie, quipped in an interview with WKRN that "I think they’re going to be alright — my buddy is the commander in chief,” referring to President Donald Trump, with whom Ritchie has shared no shortage of photo ops and dick-riding opportunities.

While Trump didn't do much about the infraction, as he seems to be too busy trying to backpedal out of a war he had no business starting in Iran, his lapdog and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth did just hours after Maj. Russell's statement, as he posted the following to socials:

"No punishment. No Investigation. Carry on, patriots."

This timeline sucks, y'all. This would be the moment where I'd jokingly say that I wish Kid Rock would stick to the music, but given that his Turning Point USA half-time show was about as popular as sepsis, and his upcoming North American tour even less so, I'll refrain, lest we invoke a Monkey's Paw type of situation.

That said, I miss when "devils without a cause" merely went Platinum, instead of disregarded safety protocols and just pulled up at a civilian's private residence.